China Doll
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
its tough. to be accepting wats happenin. i knew this kinda thing would happen sooner or later. but i managed to convince that im one hella lucky with a together-yet-unbonded family. u peeps out dere sure say that there are many cases out there that is far worst den mine. yes yes yes. i noe all that..different people different emotions different mind.
i noe i have to accept wats happenin. but i cant. within sucha short period of time. everything happened like lightnin. i tot i would be much much more stronger after the guzheng incident. so wrong. im still a weak ass. i cant take wats goin on. why this kind of thing had to happen.
i dun wanna stay at home and face all this. i just wan to go away. far from all this shit. but i noe if i go away, am i being irresponsible as a sister as a daughter? i am desparately trying to think rationally. yet most of the time emotions overtake my mind. i cant help but cry. i feel so helpless. needed someone very much to guide me all the way. on the otehr hand i dun wish to talk abt this issues. it makes me feel so ashame. and i dun wan ppl to interfere so much. i dun wan to think of solution to everything. for fear that i might cause even more conflicts. i chose to keep quiet. watching the whole thing from a corner. yet this involves my family. caught in a dilemma. i dun wan to be at home and see those rantings and ravings. it pains me. my heart hurts. my mind swirls. i cant think. and i dun wan to.
take me away.