China Doll
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
almost every night, i feel so empty. feel so depressed. feel so helpless. Alot of things had been happening to me. i dunnoe if im taking it well. all the time i talk myself to senses. i think and think till i tot i had already gotten an answer to everything.
but somehow, when i tot everything will be ok, it seems that fears starts to set into my heart. i cant stop worrying. school sucks. work sucks. home sucks. wth. how the hell am i gonna survive? mebbe i shouldnt go to a university afterall. mebbe i'll just take a pte degree. but think about the money. sigh. why has it to be this way. i have so many unfulfilled dreams. so many wishes undone. yet the burden is so heavy right on my shoulder.
how i wish i can just throw everything down and heck care. haha. yea right. if only i can do that.
im startin to wonder if i have chosen the right course? i like my course. but the stress is pressing on me so hard. everybody's expectations are so high. i feel like a dumbass comparing myself with my classmates.
Work. i starting to really heck care my work. quite a few times i forget to remove the drawer keys when rushing to serve customers. at that point of time there is someone else at the counter. automatically i have to make myself scarce. and i tot that someone is dere so the ey dangling there will be alright. but it seems like everything's my fault. sigh...
life hasnt been goin the way i wanted it to go. it all shouldnt be wat it is now. im lost,