China Doll
Monday, September 19, 2005
I almost wanted to kill.
I almost did.
I wanted to run away.
But I cant.
I know its my wrong to spend too much money.
But i insist that im not wrong to go out with my friends.
If you think i have a bf right now. FUCK U. Im not attached. Im happily single right now.
If you think my friends are bad influence. FUCK U. Angelina a bad influence? My colleagues bad influence? Ya lor. to you everybody in ebase consider bad influence. even my friends in school.
I will not quit my job. Cos i love what i am doing.
If you think everything that happened between u and father us entirely his fault. FUCK U. you are at fault too.
You may think that Im using what happened as an excuse. FUCK U. you nv know how i felt.
You can say that i need counselling, because i held a compass to sleep. Yes. i admit, i want to hurt myself again. So what's the big fuck? All you did was just scold and nag. Thats why father left u. Yes. Im immature. If i am, will i still be slogging so hard? will i be studyin so hard?
You always ask me to reflect. I did. But i din do anything wrong. Since when u reflected on what you did? All the while u think that u are the greatest mother on earth. wtf.
I still will not stop myself from enjoyin a life that a 17 years old girl should be enjoying. human only live young once. I will not let myself become another you in the future. narrow minded, proud, sarcastic old woman. damn u.
I lied to you because you nv believe what i said. because you opposed everything i do. because u think u are always in the right.
I've been tryin to change my spendin habits. i did change. but did u see it? no. u still think that im the same old me.
I really cant stand it. This is way too much.