China Doll
Thursday, October 13, 2005
I've been fucking down for the past few days. Or rather the past few weeks.
Aint very sure why is it so. But everything around irks me. Things around me didn't really offend me. Somehow, i just feel irritated by EVERYTHING.
For no reason, I can start crying. Just like 5 minutes ago when I logged myself into MSN.
Out of the blue, for numerous time, while watching a comedy, I suddenly feel like crying. Like wtf!?!
I think of work, I get very pissed. I think of school, I feel very stressed.
I think about everything else I have to do.
All I can say is I hate my life right now.
I know friends out there show their concern and care for me. They reason out all the things that happened. Yes yes. I know you guys care. Zhong Yan Ni Er.
But I just simply don't feel like listening. Don't ask me if I can take what is happening to me and my family. Stop asking me whether Im alright. Stop asking me to take things in my stride. Stop asking me to cheer myself up. Stop telling me "I'll be there if you need someone."
I know you peeps out there care. But all of ya should also know my character. I don't usually pour my woes to many people. Because I DONT LIKE IT. I will feel like a burden to people around me. And oh, don't tell me "No la.. where got burden... good friends ma.."
Yes yes. I do love my friends alot. But its.... just something not right.
Not that I don't appreciate at all. Just that... depression? I think so. Or is it PMS? Maybe a combination of both.
When I need someone to talk, everyone would be busy.
When I want to be alone, everybody come flooding me.
Why like that? =(
BAHHHHH! Feel like flinging myself out of the window. Just let me say this sentence tainted with sucidal thoughts can? Cause I can only say and not do. At least saying makes me feel lotsa better.
XingYi says my entries getting more and more emotional. How can don't be emo? So many things happened. So many things changed.
I feel so insignificant compared to others. People who rich, people who look good, people with good results, people with the freedom they needed. Im so green with envy.
Nope. Not tryin to shoot anyone here. Just tryin to make myself feel better.
Tian Kong.