China Doll
Friday, December 09, 2005
Suddenly feeling very emo. Im not tired. I did not take a good rest ever since I reached home. I've been working non-stop.
I was speechless when I found out that my psychology mate, Tricia knows my ex. =O!!!!!!!!! They were from the same secondary. Why everyone around me is so connected? I found out something even more shocking. Tricia told me that he had a tattoo somewhere near his stomach. The tattoo was the name of his ex-gf. I came to relaize why he was SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO reluctant to show me his tattoo. The ex-gf was the best fren of a girl whom I knew and was from my primary school. LAO NIANG SPPECHLESS!!!
I wonder why he didn't come clean with me about it. What's about it he cannot tell me. Sigh. So disappointed. Maybe it is the right thing that he broke with me. At least, I have something lesser to care about.
Come to talk about relationship, I find being single is really a good thing. No worries that your bf will be jealous. No worries that your bf might with some other girls outside. No worries that your bf will quarrel with you over friends and games. I cant deny the fact that sometimes I REALLY yearn for someone to hug me, console me, sayang me when Im down. I have guy friends out there who does all that. But there is no chemistry at all. And I definitely hate it when someone whom I have no feelings towards to, treats me with all the love, care and concern. I will feel fucking guilty if i don't reciprocate his love. However, it doesn't make sense at all if i treat him good just to make myself less guilty? Thats an selfish act.
Hence, sometimes I would rather keep all unhappiness to myself. I do not wish to be a burden to anyone else. It sounds so wrong (to me). And I feel uncomfortable. The only people I would turn to is my besties. They are much much much more reliable and trustable (?).
How much can you trust ur partner. I am someone who gives a damn about trust in a relationship. It may seems to be a bochap attitude, but Im tryin to give u all my trust i can. I dont expect u to BETRAY my trust. I wll freak out if you ever did. Soon, u will see me strapped to the bed in IMH. hows that?
Ahhhh.. I cant sleep. =( Gonna re-read Shanghai Baby by Wei Hui.