China Doll
Thursday, March 09, 2006
I am amazed with what I did today. I actually burst out crying 3 times today. First it was on bus no. 15 from Tampines all the way to Parkway. Second was on bus no. 36 on the way to town. Third was waiting for Laura to finish her interview at that Rolex building.
I feel much more better thou.
Never in my life I've done that. But, I just cant help it. Life fucked me upside down for the past few days. Partly was due to PMS. Not an excuse but it's really PMS. Nb.
Supposed to meet up with Emelia, Felicia and gang but things went the other way. Laura and I ended up sitting at Starbucks talking away.
It feels really good. To discuss about so much things despite having so many of our questions unanswered. Thats life I guess. Many many many many many unanswered doubts and questions.
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My day started very badly. I almost wanted to not meet my polymates. But I just went ahead. My mind is in a lost, confused, frustrated, irritated etc state. I tell you I almost step onto the roads and wish some cars can just bang me straight.
Somehow, I felt abit better. Tried to sort out my thinking. I gave in and apologised. Then I told Laura, it's tiring to be always the one giving in although Im not entirely at fault. Then at home, I concluded that if I were the one saying sorry and it can salvage bad situations, I am most willingly to do so.
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At this point of time I feel like crying again. I am feelin like a clueless bird looking for directions.
Laura asked me what I really want for now. I answered her "I don't know". And I seriously don't know!!! Nothing keeps me motivated anymore. I have no aim in my life. This is bad.
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And I certainly certainly certainly hate hate hate being accused.
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am not gonna succumb to temptations anymore.